Bipolar Mania: Better Than Cocaine

How would you like to lose weight? Have more energy? Work more hours? Have a better self-image? Inspired, new thoughts and increased creativity? Inspiration and courage to embark on new ventures? You can have it all. It won't cost you a cent, at least not up front and it's completely legal! Ideas will be fast, like shooting stars. You'll follow the brightest ones as shyness disappears, the right words and gestures suddenly appear, and even dull folks become interesting. You'll have more hours in the day because you'll sleep less. Ease, power, sensuality, omnipotence, euphoria...you can do anything! This rare gift is only available to a select few. It's all possible with...HYPOMANIA!

I was thinking about writing this blog and then saw the above sitting on a Hollywood sidewalk near my house: a manic sofa. (FYI I raided a couple medical journals to make sure I didn't forget anything). Doesn't hypomania sound awesome? Why would anyone give it up? I compare bipolar mania to a cocaine high because that's exactly what it's like. Hypomania is like the really good part of the high. It's addictive. During one prolonged hypomania, I didn't realize what was happening--I just knew I never wanted to be like I was before. Even if someone has progressed into full-blown mania, they will usually describe themselves as the above description of hypomania. The ugly part of the cocaine high comes after the good part. Everything starts moving too fast, gets too intense, and starts falling apart.

Hypomania can last for days, months or even years, although (from the considerable amount of reputable studies/aforementioned medical journals, first-hand accounts, clients and personal experience) It pretty much always progresses to Mania if left unchecked.

Inevitable Mania is heralded by needing less and less sleep, talking rapidly or excessively, distractability, fast thoughts, tendency to show poor judgment, impulsive decisions (such as suddenly deciding to quit a job or relocate), reckless business decisions, impulse spending, impulsive sexual indiscretions, and my personal favorite...enhanced sensory perception. Imagine bionic hearing that won't shut off, enhanced sense of smell when you would rather it not be enhanced and possibly light sensitivity.Bipolar Anxiety is common as well which is its own little bag of horrors including avoiding social situations and being in a perpetual "fight or flight" mode, easily irritated, startled or frightened. In this state, the manic bipolar person will sometimes want to chuck their whole life and run away.

If I start doing anything in the previous paragraph, I'm manic. I stay transparent with my friends/loved ones, fellow 12-step members and psychiatrist. Denial of being manic is at the very top of symptoms. Attempting intervention with someone in the cups of mania usually falls on deaf ears. Refer to the description of hypomania; they will recite it to you like a script, or at least most of it.

My psychiatrist tried to tell me I was manic when I was 23, and I cut him off with denial. I "felt" (see above list for hypomania) "great!". When I was in my 30's, I tried to do an intervention with a manic friend. It fell on deaf ears and he accidentally killed himself 8 days later. I tried again with my best friend. She manipulated a therapist ("SEE? I TOLD you, I'm NOT manic and DEFINITELY not Bipolar!") she saw to appease me and died several months later in a desperate moment, by her own hand. She was a tough, accomplished, wonderful woman. It was a needless tragedy that could have been avoided by her taking a few lithium capsules. I mourn her death every day of my life. She too was addicted to hypomania.

What I've learned about talking to people about bipolar disorder: they are usually more receptive when they are depressed. Trying to help a manic individual is slightly less pleasurable than beating your head against a brick wall for an hour. I had another bipolar friend who blew his brains out in high school, another who did the same thing when I was 25. This disease has a ruthless body count. Each of these people was "fine". 

At the end of a cocaine high, we are spent and everything around us is in chaos. Such is a full blown manic episode. People later told me how brutal my manic state was on them. I had no idea. I clung to my hypomanic "list", convinced that's who I was. I described my mental state in two previous blogs, Sober and Bipolar and How to Avoid Dating Psychopaths.

The key to managing this disease is hyper-vigilance and balance. My work, sleep, recreation, food, fitness, spirituality, medication and overall health all have to get attention. Do I do this perfectly? Of course not--but as I inherited severe bipolar disorder from both sides of my mother's family and at least 1 side of my father's, I have to take this seriously. Being a good person, meditating, eating right and getting lots of exercise won't make it go away. Tried it.

People cling to perceived hypomania just like the alcoholic clings to thoughts that they can control and enjoy their drinking, even though they passed that point ages ago. Bipolar disorder is a rough one because we lack insight. I'm lucky I'm still here. Being around a Bipolar in need of treatment spins me out so I have to limit exposure but I'll still try to help when I can. 1/3 of us will end up dead from this disease.