Gay or straight? I demand an answer!
Sexuality is complicated. In most cases, it can't be answered with a strict "one or the other." Disagree? Read on. Personally, I have an answer I prepared years ago that I believe explains it perfectly, although it may leave the person who asked the question baffled. Or not.
I've talked to guys and women who got really drunk and woke up the next morning having had an experience they'd never planned on. Or maybe they tried it once and decided they didn't like it. Is this person straight? I think so, unless they keep doing it...but they're also a Kinsey 1.
I'm going to throw the Kinsey Scale in right now:
0-Totally exclusively, 100% Heterosexual
1-Predominantly Heterosexual, only incidentally Homosexual
2-Predominantly Heterosexual, more than incidentally Homosexual
3-Equally Heterosexual and Homosexual
4-Predominantly Homosexual, more than incidentally Heterosexual
5-Predominantly Homosexual, incidentally Heterosexual'
6-Complete and total Homo
One thing that has always made my skin crawl is gay guys who insist they are having sex with "straight" men. There's nothing more gay than having sex with another man, no matter which end you're on. Where I come from, the judgment passed would be, "dude, you're a fag." Some cultures say you're still straight if you're on top. How does having sex with a man make you straight? So sorry dude, your straight guy became a 1 the first time you bagged him, a 2 if you kept doing it...and on to 3 and 4. Totally straight guys have put it to me like this: Men don't turn them on and they have no interest in having sex with them...ever. A guy I used to work with used to tell me, "my boyfriend is straight." How exactly does that work?
There are others who have had sex with both men and women. Usually it's skewed one way or the other. I've only ever met one person who was equally bisexual.
My answer when someone asks "the question" is this: I'm a Kinsey 4. After living with my ex-girlfriend for 2 years, I told her she'd been such a bitch that she'd turned me gay. I know, that wasn't very nice, and she didn't "turn me gay" as that's impossible. When someone asks if I'm gay or straight, I say gay. When I lay out my history, they label me bisexual and I say "not really." And then they get really confused. See how Kinsey 4 is so much easier? For some reason, many gay men are resentful or like to call me a liar when I share my history and I don't understand why. It was part of my own journey. The 6 I'm married to doesn't understand it but I don't expect him to. Other 6's don't understand it either. I'll resist the urge to lay the whole thing out ad nauseum.
Wouldn't it be cool if one day a year we all wore our Kinsey numbers? This rant may sound judgmental but I don't mean it to be (except for queens who claim to be fucking straight guys). Why does the term "Str8" always involve 2 or more erections in the same room? I don't know.
So there it is, the famed Kinsey Scale. Everyone falls somewhere, except the asexuals, identified simply as "X." Guilt from Judeo-Christian dogma, or in my case social norms and traditions push people to the north end of the scale, which doesn't account for women who fantasize about Angelina Jolie or guys who dream of Travis Fimmel. The only way a guy will move from 0 to 1 is if he manages to bag Travis...or someone with similar anatomy.
This concludes my rant. And my best label...I'm a fag, just like your straight boyfriend.
I've talked to guys and women who got really drunk and woke up the next morning having had an experience they'd never planned on. Or maybe they tried it once and decided they didn't like it. Is this person straight? I think so, unless they keep doing it...but they're also a Kinsey 1.
I'm going to throw the Kinsey Scale in right now:
0-Totally exclusively, 100% Heterosexual
1-Predominantly Heterosexual, only incidentally Homosexual
2-Predominantly Heterosexual, more than incidentally Homosexual
3-Equally Heterosexual and Homosexual
4-Predominantly Homosexual, more than incidentally Heterosexual
5-Predominantly Homosexual, incidentally Heterosexual'
6-Complete and total Homo
One thing that has always made my skin crawl is gay guys who insist they are having sex with "straight" men. There's nothing more gay than having sex with another man, no matter which end you're on. Where I come from, the judgment passed would be, "dude, you're a fag." Some cultures say you're still straight if you're on top. How does having sex with a man make you straight? So sorry dude, your straight guy became a 1 the first time you bagged him, a 2 if you kept doing it...and on to 3 and 4. Totally straight guys have put it to me like this: Men don't turn them on and they have no interest in having sex with them...ever. A guy I used to work with used to tell me, "my boyfriend is straight." How exactly does that work?
There are others who have had sex with both men and women. Usually it's skewed one way or the other. I've only ever met one person who was equally bisexual.
My answer when someone asks "the question" is this: I'm a Kinsey 4. After living with my ex-girlfriend for 2 years, I told her she'd been such a bitch that she'd turned me gay. I know, that wasn't very nice, and she didn't "turn me gay" as that's impossible. When someone asks if I'm gay or straight, I say gay. When I lay out my history, they label me bisexual and I say "not really." And then they get really confused. See how Kinsey 4 is so much easier? For some reason, many gay men are resentful or like to call me a liar when I share my history and I don't understand why. It was part of my own journey. The 6 I'm married to doesn't understand it but I don't expect him to. Other 6's don't understand it either. I'll resist the urge to lay the whole thing out ad nauseum.
Wouldn't it be cool if one day a year we all wore our Kinsey numbers? This rant may sound judgmental but I don't mean it to be (except for queens who claim to be fucking straight guys). Why does the term "Str8" always involve 2 or more erections in the same room? I don't know.
So there it is, the famed Kinsey Scale. Everyone falls somewhere, except the asexuals, identified simply as "X." Guilt from Judeo-Christian dogma, or in my case social norms and traditions push people to the north end of the scale, which doesn't account for women who fantasize about Angelina Jolie or guys who dream of Travis Fimmel. The only way a guy will move from 0 to 1 is if he manages to bag Travis...or someone with similar anatomy.
This concludes my rant. And my best label...I'm a fag, just like your straight boyfriend.
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